5 Step Guide for Newbie Swinging Couples
So you've decided to spice up your love life and enter the world of swinging, partner swapping, and swingers parties. How exciting! It can be one of the most intimate experiences you and your partner can share, but is also one that takes planning, time and a lot of communication to make absolutely perfect.
Here's some of our best advice to help you and your lover(s) get the best experience out of your adventures in the swing lifestyle.
Figure out why you want to swing
The most important thing you and your partner need to figure out is why you want to do this, because there are right and wrong reasons, and the wrong ones can potentially hurt your relationship.
If, for example, you and your lover have an excellent sex life full of excitement and adventure and you've been talking about swinging for a while and the thought of it gets you both incredibly hot and horny... You're probably doing it for all the right reasons. If, on the other hand, you've been having some intimacy issues or trust issues and you think maybe this might help, or make your partner like you more, or you want to please them so you'll step out of your comfort zone to make them happy, then you're most likely doing it for the wrong reasons and your head, your heart, and your relationship might be in for a bit of a shock.
While swinging truly can enhance a great relationship, it will not fix a broken one, it will most likely crush it all to smithereens. We aren't trying to scare you or warn you off. Just the opposite. We want you to be absolutely ready for it, because when done properly, it's absolutely amazing.
Talk it over, and then talk it over again
Swinging is all about communication and consent, and being ready and in tune for your first foray into the world of shared sex is so important and vital for the future of your relationship. While yes it is a great experience full of fun and flirty goodness, it's also a massive step in trust, and one that should be taken with both partner's complete consent and understanding of what you both want. The talk and the fantasy of swinging can be incredibly titillating, but the reality of it can sometimes be a bit confronting so the two of you sitting down together and talking about everything is essential. What do you want to do? What do you want your partner to do? Do you have any deal breakers? Any hard limits you won't cross? What happens if you decide halfway into the experience that you want to stop? What about if one of you is having a great time and the other isn't? Are you okay with same sex play?
Knowing these things beforehand, and talking through scenarios both good and bad will help you both establish where you're at and where you'd like to go, and can be revisited and adjusted as you both learn and grow and experience new things.
Find the perfect party and people to play with
Finding your swinging style is all part of the adventure and excitement, and finding the right people, places, and playtimes will depend on you and your partner's needs and wants. It's a really good idea to research different clubs and parties, because there are different sorts for different needs.
"Swinging" can cover everything from large scale orgy gang bangs to small intimate affairs with just one other couple. So researching and talking together to find your "niche" is a really good first step, even just to get you out the front door to start. A lot of newcomers like to start off slow and carefully, which is a really great idea, so finding "welcome nights" within the local swinging community is a brilliant place to dip your feet in. These often begin as casual "meet and greet" evenings with the option to play a little later on in the night, but they let newcomers ease into the community without any expectations, and can introduce you to other like minded people you might want to explore privately with at a later date.
If you like dressing up then we have great news for you. Swingers LOVE costume parties. From the more stereotypical "sexy" dress ups people think of in the sex scene of leather, lace and latex, to fun cosplay parties and theme nights of all kinds, dressing up to get down is a regular occurrence in the swinging lifestyle.
Meeting people at events like this can be a much more comfortable experience for a lot of people too, as it takes away not only the nervousness of meeting new people online, but also gives you the opportunity to meet them face to face first, and cut through a lot of that "fog" that can often shroud us all when communicating behind a screen.
If you are meeting people online, however, please establish communication politely and respectfully. Don't send nude photos or scribbled erotica, and make sure you listen and understand what information you're given. Don't try and push boundaries or limits. If you message someone and they're not interested, say thank you, move on. No one wants to play with someone who doesn't respect them, even those who like to play with multiple people.
Remember there are rules
While depictions of swingers in movies and media sometimes show a free-for-all orgy with everyone going for it with no abandon, the reality of swinging is far more regulated. Consent is absolutely vital and anyone has the right to say no, or stop, at any time. With that right comes the responsibility of the other players to listen and be aware of the other people's comfort levels and to make sure every person you're playing with is okay with what is going on. Some parties and clubs will have rules about dress codes and things like drinking or drug use, and there will be some places that have specific areas for specific play. If a door is closed it is usually a sign to not enter, and others may have areas that are just for women. Or for no sex chill outs. Or just for kink play. Each individual will have their own rules and boundaries, and making sure you adhere to them will create a safe and fun environment for everyone.
Confidence is key
One thing that a lot of newcomers need to understand about swinging is that it is for everyone and every body. You're never too old, too fat, too hairy, or too ugly. Yes, there will be parties and people that look for a specific "type", but you might actually BE that type and not realise it, or not know people are looking for you! Sexiness is truly in the eyes of the beholder and is so subjective and individual that anyone who tries to tell you it's only for "one kind of person" is trying to sell you something you don't need, by telling you you're not good enough. You are.
Feeling good about yourself and your body is powerful and sexy and it really doesn't matter what size your jeans are or if you're getting a bit bald on top, or any of the self doubt hang-ups we force on ourselves... Know that you are gorgeous and everyone else will know it too.
Whatever you and your partner's swinging fantasies are, there will be a lifestyle club, a party, or a couple out there that will suit your needs. Take your time to find the perfect first date to dip your feet into the swing lifestyle, and have fun! Always remember to listen to, and be aware of, your play partner's consent and comfort levels, and welcome to the best sex life you never knew you missed!
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