Your Essential A-Z Swingers Glossary

Sexy woman in red bra making notes

The swing lifestyle is actually more diverse than just couple swapping, and some of the terminology for newcomers can be confusing. Our A-Z swingers glossary is an essential guide for when you dip your toes into the swinging lifestyle.

  1. A
  2. B
  3. C
  4. D
  5. E
  6. F
  7. G
  8. H
  9. I
  10. J
  11. K
  12. L
  13. M
  14. N
  15. O
  16. P
  17. Q
  18. R
  19. S
  20. T
  21. U
  22. V
  23. W
  24. X
  25. Y
  26. Z

A

Access Ticket

A person, usually a woman, brought to a swingers party solely to enable the male to get through the door. She will usually have no intention of swinging, is sometimes a paid sex worker and it is a practice that is frowned upon in the lifestyle.

Alpha

Predominantly a term you would associate with the kink scene however it can be used in the sense of a cuckold being the dominant partner when it comes to a submissive hotwife being directed on how to play.

Ambiamory

Refers to people who are happy to be either monogamous or non-monogamous depending on what's going on in their lives or who they're dating at the time.

B

Black ring

A black ring worn on your right hand can indicate the wearer is a swinger however be cautious as a black ring has also been used in the past to signal that someone is asexual.

Blow bang

Variation on a gang bang where a woman performs oral sex on multiple male partners in a group setting.

Bull

A man either single or part of a couple looking for casual sex with females. Men considered bulls are often well endowed and are actively sought by hotwife couples.

C

Can Accommodate, Can Entertain, Can Host

Used to indicate in a swingers profile or message that they are willing and able to invite other couples or playmates to their home, or they have access to somewhere to play.

Can Travel

People who are not constrained by distance and are able to travel for playdates.

Candaulism

Sexual arousal from watching a partner have sex with, or engage in sexual activity with, another person.

Certs or Certified

The couple behind the online dating profile has had another member vouch for them to confirm they are genuine. On Swingles we refer to this as a Validation.

Cheating

Any activity, be it sexual or otherwise, that violates the agreements of that relationship or is done without a partner's consent or knowledge.

Clean up

Going down on a partner after they have had sex.

Closed door

A term for couples who are comfortable playing in separate rooms without their partners being able to visually watch them. In a swingers club it means that there are doors which can be closed for private play.

Closet swinger

Someone who hides the fact that they are a swinger.

Compersion

Experiencing pleasure and desire to see your partner having sex with someone else. Basically it’s the opposite of jealousy.

Consensual Non-consent (CNC)

The giving over of consent to be violated for purposes of role-play. Commonly associated with ‘rape’ or ravishment fantasies.

Consent

Informed and clear permission, given without manipulation or coercion. Consent can be retracted at any time.

Couple (C or CPL)

For the purposes of swinging defined as a man and a woman (MF) either married, defacto, in a committed relationship or friends with benefits/fuckbuddies hooking up for swinging purposes.

Couples Cruise

A company that operates swingers take-over cruises with theme parties nightly, play areas and plenty of nudity onboard.

Cuckold

A husband whose partner plays without him or who watches his partner play with others, or is forced to watch.

Cuckquean

Although the literal meaning is a wife with an adulterous husband, in the swing lifestyle it indicates the opposite of a hotwife relationship.

D

DDF or DDE

Does not take drugs and is free from sexually transmitted infections at last test (STI free is sometimes referred to as Clean)

Director

The main person who runs or operates a swingers club who may, or may not, be the manager.

Discreet / Discretion

A couple who are very private about their swinging activities and asks that others are also tactful when contacting them.

Dogging

Having sex with your partner in a public or semi-remote area while others watch or perhaps having sex with strangers while your partner watches.

Dominant

A sexual partner in control of a willing submissive partner. Often abbreviated to ‘Dom’ (masc), ‘Domme’ (fem) and ‘D’ whilst the submissive is referred to as “s”. The relationship dynamic is shown as D/s.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

A non-monogamous open relationship where the couple is allowed to sleep with other people but agree not to talk about it. Warning: communication (we think) is the key to non-monogamy being successful.

Double penetration (DP)

Usually refers to a female being penetrated vaginally and anally at the same time.

Dragon

Although this term is in the Urban Dictionary as the male version of a unicorn in the swing lifestyle, it’s not commonly used. And obviously we prefer the term “swingle”.

Drama

Used to describe people who shouldn’t be swingers because they are known to display jealousy towards their partner.

Drama free

A couple whose relationship is free of jealousy.

E

Ellis

A code name to identify people who may be in the lifestyle without compromising their privacy, ie. “Are you a friend of Ellis?”

Exclusive

The term can be used for a couple who exclusively play with another couple or a group of couples/playmates who have agreed to be exclusive.

Exhibitionist

Someone who experiences sexual arousal or pleasure from displaying their body or having sex while others watch.

F

Family first

A lifestyle couple who have a family situation which makes it difficult to drop everything to play.

Fetish

An erotic or sexual fixation with a particular object or act. In some instances it is a turn-on, and in others it is required to be present for sexual gratification.

FFM, FMF

Indicates a threesome with 2 females & one male. The order is important as FF indicates girl on girl play and FMF implies no bisexual female play.

Fluid Bonded

A consensual agreement between (often monogamous) partners to share sexual secretions, eg. cum by engaging in unprotected sex.

Friends with benefits

Usually not just a sex only relationship but started as friends or evolves into a friendship. Typically a term for singles but also relatable for swinger couples who may have playmates who they socialise with as well as play.

Fuck buddy

People who fuck on a semi regular basis but are not in a relationship. It is becoming more common for partnered but unmarried couples such as those in a FWB to attend swingers parties together.

Full swap

A couple who is comfortable swapping partners with another couple for full penetrative sex.

G

Gang bang

In the context of Swingles this is where a single girl is the centre of attention and having sex with multiple men (on the same night). This term is also found in the gay sex scene.

Group room

A play room at a swingers party where group play is encouraged or expected.

Group sex

What most vanilla folk think swingers do every weekend, ie. sexual activity between four or more people.

H

Hardcore or Hard swing

A swingers party or meet where sexual interaction is assumed and expected.

Hedonism or Hedo

A resort in Jamaica which caters to swinger couples & singles in the swing lifestyle.

Heteroflexible

A person who isn't necessarily bisexual but will indulge in same sex play given the right circumstances. The term biflexible is sometimes used.

Hotwife

A woman who enjoys having sex with men outside her relationship with the full consent of her partner often in the context of swinging or a stag/vixen relationship.

House party

A private group of swingers hosted at a private home.

I

Indoor sports

Slang term for swinging activities.

Interracial

Can refer to a couple who are different races and it’s often presumed this is exclusively a black person and a white person but it can be any racial mix. The term is also used as part of phrases for example; interracial dating for people who exclusively want to date or have sex with someone of a different race, or attend interracial sex clubs in order to meet or have sex with someone of a different race, or interfacial which is when men cum on a woman’s face who are from a different race.

Interested

Seeking a swinging relationship which includes emotional and recreational values.

ISO

Abbreviation for In Search Of but in 2020 the Coronavirus pandemic saw it used frequently as an abbreviation for people in lockdown or quarantine isolation.

L

Lifestyle

A term coined in the 1970s referring to the swinging community, can be substituted, ie. a swinging couple may refer to themselves as a lifestyle couple. But the term is also widely used in the BDSM & kink communities.

LS

An abbreviation for Lifestyle.

M

Mandingo

A man who prides himself on his sexual abilities or the size of his cock, basically a dick for hire.

Mat room

A room sex aside at a swingers party for group sex. Widely used in eastern USA.

Meerkat sex

Popping your head up during public sex at a swingers party to see who is watching. A meerkat can also refer to a single guy at a swingers party found masturbating and hoping to be invited to play.

Meet & Greet

A social event with no sexual activity typically held at an off premises venue and ideal for newcomer couples.

Meet for pleasure

Will meet for swinging sex with no social or emotional interaction.

Metamour

The partner of one's partner (in a poly relationship) who you don't share a direct sexual or loving relationship with.

MFMF

Foursome which indicates a full swap between both couples.

MMF, MFM

A threesome with 2 men and 1 woman. Again, the ordering of the abbreviations implies who plays with who.

Monogamish

Couples who actively seek out others in the swinging lifestyle but who don't typically swap for sex (but are not 100% monogamous). They’re into flirting not fucking. The term was coined by Dan Savage in 2011.

Moresome

More than three people in a swinging interaction, ie. group sex.

Muggle

A code word for non-swingers, and you thought it only applied to Harry Potter!

N

Negotiation

The act of working out what the boundaries are. This can be short-term in the context of a play session, or long term regarding a relationship dynamic. Relevant in both the swinging and kink/BDSM lifestyle.

Newbies or Newcomers

Couples new to the swinging lifestyle. Everyone was a newbie the first time.

No Means No

A common term seen on swingers club rules meaning consent is paramount.

No strings attached

Sex without a desire for commitment or a relationship

O

Off premises

A swinging party / event for socialising and flirting but sexual activity must happen off premises.

On premises

A swinging club / party / event which permits sex on premises.

Open door / open couple

A couple who are happy to play in the same room as other swingers. In a swingers club an open door policy means that doors cannot be closed, ie. rooms are open for other couples to ask if they can join in or to watch.

Open marriage / open relationship

A marriage where the consensual arrangement permits one or both partners to have sexual relationships outside of the marriage, outside romantic relationships or both. So they may have girlfriends / boyfriends in addition to their primary partner. Typically it is for sex rather than emotional connection.

Open minded

Used by couples to indicate they are open to all people however it is often used by couples with a bi male who does not want to openly admit to being bisexual.

Orgy

A group sex scenario with sexual interaction among several women and men in the same room with everyone taking part.

P

Pansexual

Someone physically, sexually, emotionally and romantically attracted to others regardless of their gender or sexuality.

Parallel Play

Indicates two couples playing in the same room but only physically playing with their own partner.

PAWG

Refers to Phat Ass White Girl

Pegging

Where a man is penetrated anally by a woman wearing a strap on dildo. And yes this is the only scenario, if it’s a male having anal sex with a female it’s called anal sex.

Pineapple

An urban myth (or is it?) indicates that a pineapple placed outside a house indicates that swingers live there and an upside down pineapple indicates you are looking for a swingers party.

Play

A term used in the swinging lifestyle for sex, ie. let's meet for drinks and play later.

Play party

A party hosted at a swingers club or private residence for the purpose of sex.

Playmate

Someone (whether single or part of a couple) who you are playing with on a regular or semi-regular basis.

Polyamory / Polyamorous / PolyAm

Similar to open relationships but much more committed to their multiple partners. Multiple partners may live together and there are various relationship dynamics. They are open to the idea of falling in love with other partners so it’s more than just sex, it’s an emotional connection.

Q

Queen of Spades

The playing card symbol or “Q” indicates a white woman with a sexual preference for black men. Tattoos, jewellery, clothing and the hashtag #QOS can all let potential black lovers know she is available.

R

Recreational swinger

Someone who swings for recreational purposes and is not interested in forming long term relationships or emotional connections.

Relationship Anarchy

The relationship dynamic where the only rule is that there are no rules.

Relationship Dynamic / Relationship Orientation

Refers to which relationship format you prefer. Are you monogamous, non-monogamous, poly, in an open relationship or ambiamorous.

Roman (Roman culture)

Usually refers to group sex or an orgy.

S

Same room sex (SRS)

A swinging couple who are comfortable swapping partners but only in the same room.

Seasoned swingers

A couple who have typically been in the lifestyle for some time and are comfortable about exchanging partners both privately and in party scenarios.

Separate room

A swinging couple who swap partners and are happy to be in separate rooms while having sex with that other partner.

Single

A swinger without a partner who we would also refer to as a Swingle. Does not relate to marital status.

Site

If you’re asked which “site” you are on the person asking is referring to an online swingers site. Of course your answer will be “Swingles”

Social

A party or gathering usually sponsored by a swing club or swing site for swinger couples to meet and socialise.

Sociosexuality / Sociosexual Orientation

Refers to the willingness of someone to engage in sexual activity outside a committed relationship. Couples who identify as swingers would be seen as “unrestricted sociosexual” as they are comfortable engaging in sex without love.

Soft swing, Soft swap, Soft Play

A couple who happily play with other couples for kissing, touching, perhaps oral or mutual masturbation or perhaps watch other couples have sex but only have full intercourse with each other.

Spit roast

Refers to a woman receiving a man from the front and back simultaneously.

Snowbunny

A white woman who only dates black men and may sometimes fetishise her sexual partner’s skin colour.

Stag

The "stag" is different from the "cuckold" in a hotwife relationship in that cuckold implies a submissive partner, whilst the stag proudly shares his partner with other men without being diminished by the act.

Submissive

Passive partner who prefers to be dominated.

Swap

Exchanging partners for sexual activity of any sort from soft play to full swap.

Swinger

Someone who enjoys participating in the swing lifestyle whether that be soft swing or having sex with others with the full consent and knowledge of their partner.

Swinger Name

Some couples will just randomly choose a profile name when joining a swing lifestyle site, others have a nickname by which they are known in the scene, eg. Bonnie & Clyde.

Swingers club

A premises used exclusively for regular swingers parties, ie. not a private residence.

Swinging

A lifestyle for consenting adults, usually a couple, who enjoy social, recreational sexual activities with others with the full consent and knowledge of both partners.

Switch

Someone who is happy being in either a monogamous or polyamorous relationship. In the kink world it means someone who can be Dominant or submissive depending on the situation.

Swolly

A term coined by Ken Haslam (Kinsey Institute) to describe someone who identifies as both a swinger and polyamorous. They have multiple simultaneous relationships but also enjoy recreational sex in the swing lifestyle.

T

Temptation

An adult resort marketed as a one of a kind “playground for adults” which is topless optional and swinger friendly.

TGD Trans and Gender Diverse

The umbrella term to describe people whose gender is different to what was presumed for them at birth.

Threesome

Three people, usually two of one gender and one of another gender who have a sexual encounter. See FFM & MMF.

Towel shark

A single person (usually male) who tries to work their way into another couple's adventures at a swingers club/party.

Triad

A polyamorous relationship where three people, two of one sex and one of the other who are emotional and sexually involved in a relationship. Not the same as a threesome.

Tri-sexual

Used to describe someone who will try anything sexually.

U

Unicorn

Used to describe a mythical creature and in the swing lifestyle it refers to a single woman who attends parties and plays with couples.

Utopian

Someone who practices swinging as a total lifestyle.

V

Validation

See Certification.

Vanilla

Refers to the non-swinger world and monogamous people who don't participate in the swinging lifestyle. Can also be used to indicate people not into BDSM or kink activities.

Vanilla swirl

Someone who is sexually adventurous but doesn't fully participate in the swinging lifestyle although they are comfortable attending parties and perhaps flirting.

Verified

Means that the member/s provided identification (or followed our Profile Verification process) to confirm that the person/s behind the profile are who they say they are. See also Certified.

Vixen

Partnered female who is open to playing alone or in front of her proud Stag partner. It is a new term for the Hotwife/Cuckold relationship dynamic.

Vixing

The act of a women having sex with a man other than her partner with his consent and encouragement.

Voyeurism / Voyeur

Sexual arousal from the act of watching the sexual acts of others, eg. viewing porn, dogging or consensual public sex.

W

Wife share / wife swap

A partnered woman who takes male lovers outside the relationship often in the context of swinging or cuckoldry.

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